Given my husband's work schedule finishing his dissertation, I am used to him not being around. The time it really gets lonely is when I head off to bed and realize there is no one to leave the light on for. And this absence has been harder for other reasons.
On the first night my husband was gone, Kiddo woke up crying about 4. I evaluated my options, and decided around 4:15 to go change her diaper, put her back to bed (which involves a little singing, a little rocking, putting her in her crib, and lying next to her on the floor until she falls asleep), and hopefully get back to sleep. This worked, I was almost asleep when she started crying again. At this point I gave up, and brought her into bed with me. A bad idea, I know. This is why we're still in our old house, cause she doesn't sleep well with others. It took her a long time to settle, including a milk run, and countless times of her draping herself over my head and neck. (Why does she think she can fall asleep that way? Why do I think she can fall asleep that way?) Around six we both fell asleep for another hour and a half. I was not in a good mood for a while.
I promised myself we would not do this the next night.
And we didn't. Last night, she woke up crying at 10 pm. But she had had a runny nose all day, and her cry sounded like she was about to lose her voice. So I pulled her into my bed at 10. It only took her about 30 minutes to settle this time, with the usual kicks and cuddles that accompany this process. But I was also worried about her ability to stay in the bed, and kept considering my options to keeping her safe. When I finally quieted my head down, my second baby started a rollicking party of his/her own inside of me. I was a little overwhelmed by the kicks from outside and in. Another long while later they were both calm, and I finally got to sleep.
Until 4, when I woke suddenly, looked for Kiddo to find her not in bed, called out her name, and heard her little feet running back to me. Thirty minutes of settling, then finally sleep. I thought maybe she wanted to be in her own bed. No.
Oh I miss my husband, but these last two nights, I've really missed my second parent. (And, I know he's wanted to be here too. Soon.)
